I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
We left an ass print on the piano.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
