You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he told me I talked like a deaf person
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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