yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
