Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
