I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
