Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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