my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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