What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
