She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
