Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
