I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
