well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
