hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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