I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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