no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
