Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
