Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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