Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Randomize
