I hate your face
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
