No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
