He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
