Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
