Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
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She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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