I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
