dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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