I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
you traded sex for a burrito?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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