what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
