Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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