Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
