I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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