She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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