that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
