Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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