He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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