idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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