dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
