I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
