i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
