my phone needs a breathalizer
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
