In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
