I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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