he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I wish i was in the wii world.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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