so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
