Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's no shave November. This is our time.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
