have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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