if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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