he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize