Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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