she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
