either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
