Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
In other news, I just burned my penis
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
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