If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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