Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
