normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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