We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
