I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
