Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
