I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
