you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
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she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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