plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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