so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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