My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
