remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
