New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
