That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
