She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
