There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
