Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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