Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
