please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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