i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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