my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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