I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
