Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
