A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
