Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
